Monday, August 26, 2013

It's Gonna Be Worth It

It’s been one week since I heard the news that I would expect to flip my world upside-down. And in many ways the news did just that...

But the news flipped my world in a way entirely different from what I expected. Let me take you on a journey…

Rewind to November 2012.

Jarrod and I had been married for almost 2 years and we knew that the next ‘step’ in our marriage was something we had both been getting excited about for a while and we knew when we wanted kids to arrive. So we started trying. Month after month nothing happened. The first few months I took it with a grain of salt. We hadn’t been trying that long so why worry about it? And then it began to get harder. With each passing cycle, I grew weary and devastated when only one line would appear. So, logically, I decided to see my doctor to make sure everything was okay.

Tests were done.

Everything looked okay, although there was no way to know for sure. 

Now fast forward 10 months…

A few more tests and hundreds of dollars later we received the official verdict: there was only a 5% chance that we could get pregnant with our own kids.

Hearing news like that is something that hits you in the stomach and then sinks in slowly.

And, let’s be honest, who ever truly expects to be told that? We didn’t…

And yet something in me had a feeling we’d get here when this all began.

See Jarrod and I always knew we wanted to adopt some day. We just thought it might be with our third child. We’d have some of our own first and then we’d move on to what we knew to be the difficult and long road called adoption. So when we started to struggle with getting pregnant, I started to fear. And then fear turned into prayers that the Lord would guide us where he needed us to go – even if that meant hearing something incredible difficult. I think the Lord was guiding my heart to begin this journey of adoption so that when we finally got here, I’d be ready to go.

Now let me rewind just one more time. 

When Jarrod and I first moved back to our little hometown so that Jarrod could take a job as a youth pastor at our church. I was fearful that we wouldn’t be able to develop any community here. Yet, God placed us in a beautiful small group full of amazing couples just a couple months later. On the first night that our group ever met, each couple shared a little bit about themselves. One couple (we will call them J & C for the purpose of this story) in particular shared that they were not able to have their own children and were in the process of adopting a child from Korea.  My heart went out to them…

And then my heart felt something else… 

When Jarrod and I got in the car that night to drive home, I told him that I was sure that I would sound crazy saying what I was about to say. And then I told him, “When J & C shared about their adoption, I couldn’t help but feel so deep inside of me that the Lord placed us in this small group with them because we are going to go through that too.” Sure enough, Jarrod thought I had lost it and certainly didn’t appreciate hearing me say that. And I thought I was crazy too.

…So crazy that I completely forgot about that moment until it started to be applicable to us again. Every time I think about that story now, I get the chills. If that’s not the Lord leading you and preparing your heart, I certainly don’t know what it is.

Even two years ago the Lord was confirming the work that adoption would have in our lives.

Now, one week after hearing the ‘official’ news and beginning the steps toward adoption, it might be the first day that I haven’t shed any tears.

But even from the very first day...

amidst so much brokenness and pain...
when my husband and I looked at each other and knew we would adopt...
I have felt an abundance of peace and joy!

The Lord is already blessing us by giving us confirmation that he will lead us each step of the way until our baby…Yes, OUR BABY… comes home.

God is good… ALL THE TIME.

And no matter how frustrating, long or difficult this road is about to become, you know what the best part is?

It’s. Going. To. Be. Worth. It.

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