Tuesday, October 1, 2013


After a month of feeling really good about what was going on, the hard days officially hit this weekend.

Needless to say…I lost it.

I was a mess of tears and feelings.

Sometimes the moments of hurt just slap you across the face and there’s no way to not respond or to hold it in.

But I’m a firm believer that it’s okay to respond and to feel.

Someone very special to me once told me that sometimes it’s important…even needed…to sit in the dissonance of our emotions and to settle into the discomfort. It teaches us something and pushes us out of our comfort zones. It causes us to have reliance in an entirely different way than in the comfortable moments.

Being aware of the moments of tension in our lives causes us to examine our moments of comfort. And yet it changes our comfort levels at the same time.

It forces a different sort of processing.

So it’s okay to feel the sadness, the pain and distress, the jealousy, the desire to pull away, the fear, and so many more emotions…

Because feeling all of this causes me to continue to fall back down on my knees and trust that God’s got it all in his hands. It’s not that I’m not relying on Him in the good moments of rejoicing. But the difficult moments display a different kind of reliance: I’m reminded how little I can do on my own and how much I need Him to guide me through this.

The below video stopped me in my tracks tonight… It’s the reminder that I needed.

A quote from the video says this, “I want to be the type of man that the more I lose the more I worship God. Because the more I lose in this world, the more of a treasure He becomes to me in this moment.”

Profound huh? This describes it – what I am experiencing in my pain.

My reliance is in Jesus, but as the things that I would naturally find my identity in as a woman are stripped away, I find more and more of a treasure in what Jesus did, who he is and what he offers me.

Then the video says, “Jesus is more present in our brokenness. The gospel is more real and on greater display when we are broken than at any other time.”

So there’s hope. Hope that he can use this situation for his glory…even if I never know what that glory is.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I’m continually learning how to be comfortable in my discomfort and pain. But there’s comfort in that fact that God’s doing something through it. So I'll learn to be okay in my dissonance and find my treasure in him...For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

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