Life sometimes gets out of order. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know this.
As humans living in a world tainted by sin, we experience events, emotions, hurt and situations that spiral our worlds into a disordered blur. Much like a child's bedroom may often look like a tornado has swept through and disrupted the order of his or her belongings, sometimes our lives can look the same way.
When processing through adoption, disorder is inevitable. There are so many details to handle - physically, spiritually, and emotionally - that our world can seem like a tornado has picked up us and tossed us miles from the order that we used to know. Good, orderly days happen. And then... the tornado strikes.
This past weekend, after watching a movie that got my emotions all in a bunch, I drove home in tears, attempting to process why I was feeling the way that I was or why I felt like I needed to hide those moments.
When I arrived at home, I quickly rushed inside and began to do what I almost always do in moments like these: I cleaned my kitchen. About halfway through scrubbing my sink, I began to ask myself why cleaning the kitchen was the one thing that I always gravitated toward when my life or emotions spin out of control. And then it hit me...Disorder is not desired. It is not natural. It is not the way were designed to be. Yet this was the effect that sin brought into my world.
Yet, because of the disorder, humans are naturally inclined to search for order. We take whatever we can find that provides answers or peace - even if it's not always the right place to find these things - to bring order into our worlds. We are designed to want...to need order!
It began to make sense to me why I always seek out cleaning the kitchen: It's something that I can put into order. I have control over whether or not my kitchen is orderly or disorderly.
And something about this act of cleaning and putting my home in order prepares my heart to place the emotional, spiritual, and physical things that I'm experiencing in to a position of order. In the midst of some semblance of order, my heart opens and I can ask questions and process thoughts in a different way. I can refocus my mind on where it should be or what I should be thinking. I can center my disorder back onto the one that created order.
I can began to reevaluate that maybe what may seem like disorder in my eyes, is perfect order in God's eyes.
The idea of infertility and sometimes even adoption seems like a complete disordered mess in my own eyes based on the 'order' that I expected from my life. Yet, when I take the time to refocus my heart on God, I can see that this 'disorder' was God's order for my life all along...
These things going on inside of me are His order. They feel disorderly to me because their not 'normal' for our society and, yes, quite frankly, it's uncomfortable. But God is greater. He created order, therefore, He can make my disorder into order.
And I trust him fully with that task.
I would challenge you this week to evaluate the areas that you run to when you need order in your lives. I challenge you to consider what it is about that place, thing or person that gives you order. Fill in the blank for yourself: Orderly _______, Orderly heart.
Then I challenge to you to seek the Lord's heart and to him if it's possible that you find as disorder could be his order. This is a difficult question to ask, but the answers are far better than what we could have prepared for ourselves.