Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Out of Our Hands

I am a control person... Or maybe I shouldn't say control, but I like to 'get things done' in my time. Yep, okay I suppose that's the definition of being a 'control person.' I like to take what's in my control and do it to the best of my ability and get it done in a timely fashion.

In my theory of getting things done, when I'm done with my part and it's handed off to someone/something else, it will move quickly because I put it in motion to move that way... 

It would be an understatement to say that adoption has really tested that theory of mine...

When we first received our adoption paperwork my goal was to complete it as quickly as possible. I didn't want the process to be waiting on us. I was determined that we would do everything in our power to knock out that paperwork in record time and then turn it in, while the social workers grinned at my perfect ability to get things done. Ha... Yes, I'm laughing at that absurd and unrealistic though even now. 

So, naturally, when it came in the mail, Jarrod and I set to work.

And then the hand cramps set in...

And life hit...

And the answers were difficult to come up with...

Needless to say, my plan to turn the paperwork in in two weeks disappeared and I got frustrated. I got frustrated with Jarrod and I got frustrated at myself for my lack of diligence... But in those moments, if I do something to accomplish what I want finished, I can ignore those feelings. 

We went and got the notarized papers notarized. We went and got the witnessed papers witnessed. We dotted the i's and crossed the t's and sealed the envelope ready to go.

Completed paperwork ready to go.

So four weeks later the paperwork was finally finished. Only two weeks past my deadline. But hey, it was done nonetheless. 

It just so happened that Jarrod and I were driving into Chicago for an evening before we both had work conferences. I thought, "Oh we'll just bring the paperwork with us and send it in from the hotel." So I did.

And in the frenzy of the conference, I forgot to mail it.

And then when I left the hotel, I forgot the entire packet of paperwork at the hotel in Chicago, while we left for Atlanta. Realizing a day later what I had done, I pretty much panicked.

Reality set in. Control was no longer in my hands. I had to wait for the paperwork to be found. I had to wait for FedEx to call to arrange shipment. I had to wait for it to arrive in Atlanta. I had to wait... (Are you seeing a theme here?)

And it was then that I was reminded that this is so much bigger than my control or need to 'get things done.' Maybe I needed to let go a little and let it just happen when it happened.

When we received the paperwork back, there was truly only one thing left 'to do' and that was to hand the rather large packet of paperwork over to our social worker last night at our final adoption training class. It was a good feeling to get that out of my hands and have that part done. 

Yet, as soon as the packet left my palm, I felt the gut wrenching reality that there was nothing more I could do to 'move this along'. Someone else was in control of the process now. (In fact, side note, I was pleasantly reminded during that time that we can't officially be licensed and begin waiting to be matched until the government shut down ends...that was a slap in the face after all our hard work.)

That's difficult for me to process and handle. Jarrod, on the other hand, continues to remind me that God's got this and he's already got the perfect timing mapped out. (On a side note, I have the most amazing, patient husband ever. He balances these control things for me.)

And I remind myself of that every day. That God's got it.

So off with the paperwork goes my need to 'got it.'

He's got it. 

God's got it.

And, I don't need to 'got it.'

My hands are open and waiting for more 'to do', yet we trust Him in all the timing.

Officially handing over the paperwork.

Prayer Requests 10/15/13

  • That the paperwork will be processed in the right timing and schedule our home study visits
  • That we will be able to proceed despite the government shut down
  • That we will open up our hearts and hopeful timelines and let God's timing rule. Because He's got it.
  • That the fundraisers we are beginning to plan will be successful to pay for the next upcoming payments for agency applications.

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