Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Already in my Heart

Disclaimer: I wrote this post four days ago on Friday, January 31, 2014... Sorry for the delay in actually getting it posted!

About six hours ago, Jarrod and I pulled into the parking lot of the Comfort Inn in Steven's Point, Wisconsin. Jarrod came for a meeting and I was invited to come along for the drive, the fellowship, and the hotel room. I am not usually one to want to sit in a confined hotel room for hours on end. I'd much rather be at home in my own personal, cozy space with all my own things within my reach. But honestly, ever since the day that I decided to come with Jarrod, I have been looking forward to nothing but being in this hotel room. I honestly just needed an escape from my routine, my home, my cell phone, and so many other things. So, while he's in meetings, I'm retreating and rejuvenating...and sleeping. I've already done a lot of sleeping.

Although I'm not quite sure exactly why this mini retreat was needed, I'm working on processing through it. Part of it is that one 'season' of our life is coming to end while another season, with its own unique set of challenges, is rapidly approaching:

You see, it is with great excitement that I can announce that Jarrod and I have officially completed our home study and will have a copy of our state-issued license to adopt very shortly. This officially means that no matter when God decides to bring that baby to our door step, we will be ready to go. 

If you remember from my last post, this is a big deal. We have been waiting for what seemed like decades (yes, I'm obviously exaggerating) for our fingerprints to come back and to complete the final steps of this process. After many, many nights of prayer for our fingerprints to come back to our agency, I received a text from our social worker on Tuesday letting us know that we were FBI cleared! (Insert little happy dance here)

Then on Wednesday evening we had a conference call with our social worker to read through the details of our adoption license through the state of Illinois and all the legalities that we were agreeing to. All we wait for now is for the license to be issued, which will be done by February 7, 2014, and for our social worker to type up the written report of our home study process. We will use this document to officially send in our applications and family profile books to the agencies that we are planning to work with.

This is a really exciting step for us! After six months of waiting, we are just days away from putting several large application packets in the mail and closing this chapter of our adoption story.

Now we start a new chapter: letting the agencies and our consultant work from here to match us to a birth family. 

Tonight, as I stood in target and fingered the detailed threading on a beautiful little newborn onesie, I couldn't help but wonder how long it would be until I would get to purchase items like that one for our baby. It could be a matter of a few short days or we could wait another year or more. I have no idea.... Yet God does.

I know that this will be the time that could be the most trying on me because once those packets are mailed, this isn't too much more that we can do to 'speed up the process' except to pray. At that point, I have to put my trust in God's timing every second of the day. Sometimes this is a day-by-day process for me. Other days, it's an hour-by-hour process. And other days, it's a second-by-second process in which I have to continually relearn how to leave my concern and fears and desires and God's feet and let him to do the rest. 

For my birthday this year, the day of our last adoption training class, Jarrod bought me the perfect birthday gift. It's a simple, sterling silver necklace with two charms. One charm is a heart and the other is a circle. Engraved on it, it says, "Already in my heart, Someday in my arms." (see picture below)

Almost four months after getting this gift, it hasn't left my neck for barely one day. On a daily basis, I rub that necklace and I'm reminded that someday our child will be in our arms. But our child truly is already in our hearts. I feel like, in the past few days, with the ending of this chapter, this statement has become even more real. Our 'someday' ...how ever far away it may be... is one step and one day closer every single day.

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