Tuesday, April 22, 2014

If You Wouldn't Say It...

As I was perusing Facebook tonight I came across the best video about adoption that I have possibly ever seen. (See below)

video
This video was shared and created by Rain City Church.

Okay seriously though, as funny as this video is, in many ways, it's sad that adoptive families even have to address this issue. (Although the video is a great way to do so). Sometimes I feel like I need to take a second away from a conversation to pick my jaw off the floor because I'm shocked at what someone just asked me about our adoption.

Questions have ranged from "Why don't you just get a surrogate?" to "Why don't you just have one of your own?" to "Mmmm is she young?" (referring to the birth mom being unstable or in poverty/addiction).

My responses?

"And that would be better than adoption because...?"

"This child is my own."

"Does it matter if she's young?"

The reality that this video addresses is that sometimes people ask things about adoption that maybe aren't necessary questions to ask. If you do have questions, think through them before they come out of your mouth.

Think. 

Then speak.

The reality is that adoption is a long process and sometimes just the questions people ask and the assumptions others make about it are enough to make you want to scream. (Nevermind all the questions we already got to answer on the miles high of paperwork we completed.)

If you have a question that you feel is really important, maybe it's best then to add a disclaimer: "I'm really not sure if this is appropriate to ask..." or "I'm not sure how to ask this..." This shows adoptive families that you're recognizing that you're doing the best you can to understand. Then, be understanding if the adoptive parent/family responds that they'd rather not share an answer to your question.

And sometimes, quite frankly, things are better left unsaid. Sometimes adoptive families don't need to hear a story about your sister's aunt's friend who had a horror story adoption experience.

When we first started the adoption process the questions that I got asked really bothered me. In fact, sometimes they were incredibly hurtful. Mostly now, I can overlook the questions and comments. However, this post is just a PSA (Public Service Announcement) to think before you talk....and mostly because I was laughing SO hard at that video that I just had to share. :) Hope it brought you a few giggles as well!

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