Two weeks ago, Jarrod and I traveled to Florida to spend the weekend with the birth family our sweet daughter. I’ve tried so many times to type up a post to share details of our visit. Yet, every time I delete the post. It’s not that I don’t want to share. Yet my heart is still processing and taking in all that we experienced during our visit. I can tell you that visit went incredibly well and we came home feeling very blessed and even more excited for August to just get here!
Due to the processing that still needs to take place before I can share more about our visit, I feel like my heart is leading to share something different.
If you read any posts of mine prior to our visit, you know that I was struggling to not let fear take hold of me in the waiting of this process. Knowing that we were traveling to meet the birth family our daughter for the first time in person, I was pretty much a nervous wreck. I would shake whenever someone would ask me about it and my stomach would almost instantly feel sick.
The fear had, without a doubt, taken hold.
As we boarded the two-hour flight to Florida, I was beginning to feel the weight of where we were going and what this visit entailed. When the captain finally cleared the use of electronic devices, I popped in my headphones anxious to listen to something to distract for me a little bit. I turned on a new CD by Bethel Music that I had downloaded before leaving. It was called, “You Make Me Brave.”
The title couldn’t have been any more fitting.
I shut my eyes and leaned my head back.
The Holy Spirit took hold of that situation immediately and used it to teach my heart. Before I knew it I was swaying to the music, holding back tears and worshipping in the truth that these songs were speaking into my fear. The lyrics were filled with the promise that we are not alone in this journey and that God leads us through each and every circumstance.
As each song began and as each song finished on the recording, my fear diminished.
The Lord couldn’t have used a more perfect setting to teach me that He makes me brave no matter what road I am walking down. In Him, I have no room to be afraid because His “perfect love drives out fear” (1 Peter 4:18).
I had to step back and ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen in this?” The answer sucked: the birth family could change their mind. And it was as if the Holy Spirit responded, “And? So what? I’m still with you through that.” Mmmm... Hard to hear. But so very true.
No matter the ending, our circumstances don’t change God’s sovereignty.
When we rely on Him, He provides a means to get through. He provides the ‘brave’ to walk down the difficult roads without doubt or fear of what may happen.
There was no need to be afraid because, in the circumstances that create fear in me, God is creating something beautiful behind the scenes. And for that reason, I can choose to be brave in His power without any fear.