The weather hasn't helped my productivity or energy level any. I have been dddrrraaagggiiinnnggg.
Add all this into to the struggles I've been facing in the fears of our adoption right now and it's been a difficult week.
Today I was blessed to spend my lunch hour with a dear woman whom has blessed Jarrod and I greatly in our adoption process by allowing us to use their condo in Florida both when we travel down next weekend and in August to be at our daughter's birth. On my way home, I decided very 'spur-of-the-moment' that I would swing to McDonald's and grab an iced latte, in hopes that it'd grant me an extra boost of energy for the afternoon. I went through the drive through, got my latte and drove away anxious for my first sip...
But when I tasted it I was in for quite the disappointment. It was incredibly watered-down and way too sweet. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't that bad and I tried to drink it like there was nothing wrong.
It was about half way through the cup that I realized that watered-down coffee doesn't cut it. And almost immediately I was reminded of what I feel that the Lord has been teaching me all week: a watered-down "only trust Him in the good times" faith doesn't cut it either.
As I shared this past weekend, the fear of our adoption has set in hard the past few days. I've been overly emotional and sensitive about it and really struggling through the 'what-ifs.'
I've had to continually remind myself this week that God is my refuge and my strength, my ever present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). I've needed to take moments away to remind myself where my strength is found and where I can find refuge among the storms of life.
Yesterday, I came shared this idea of resting in God's peace with someone else who is struggling and I couldn't help but be reminded of Psalm 94:1, which says, "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."
I've had to ask myself what good God's refuge is if I only utilize it during the good times. It's not really a refuge then, is it?
In the same way that watered-down coffee isn't actual coffee in that it doesn't serve the purpose that it was meant to serve, watered-down faith isn't actually faith if my reliance on God doesn't require me to practice the use of any. Does this make sense?
In my world, it all comes down to this: I am jipping myself by making myself 'like' watered-down nasty coffee. I'm also jipping myself if I think a watered-down faith is going to get me anywhere. When it really comes right down to it, where does my faith lie both in the good times and bad times? What will I rely on and turn to in moments of struggle?
Just the thoughts I'm wrestling through today.
(And just in case you needed a visual reminder, like I did, that there's a refuge both in the good times and the bad, head over to MANDA JULAINE DESIGNS to download some 'Under His Wings' Printable FREEBIES)