Friday, June 27, 2014

Brave Love

Over the last several months, I've spent some time advocating for the stereotypes that surround birth mothers and the process of adoption. (You can find some of those posts here and here). I've done this, in part because I noticed a change in my own heart over the past year as I have been educated on this process is, and because, frankly, I wish that someone would have educated me sooner. 

Lately I have been so struck by the weighty sacrifice that our daughter's birth parents will be making for our family's benefit. I have developed a love and respect in my heart for this family that I'm not sure I thought was possible living so far away. I'm struck by who they are and how much I respect them for this difficult, selfless choice that they are making. 

I've found, however, that it's increasingly difficult to articulate these emotions not only to others but to members of my own family. How do I adequately describe how I love someone in this way, that I've only met once, yet that will continue to be a part of our family for the rest of my life?

This morning, our adoption consultant, Susan, wrote a blog about a movement called BraveLove. BraveLove's mission statement is beautiful to me. It reads,

"Our mission is to change the perception of adoption through honest, informative, and hopeful communication that conveys the heroism and bravery a birth mother displays when she places her child with a loving family through adoption...The heartbreaking truth is that many women facing unplanned pregnancy feel unable to care for a child. Sometime the single-most loving thing a mother can do is place her child with a loving, eager adoptive family. We aim to invite and empower women to choose adoption."

That is a beautiful mission statement to me all in itself. And then I saw this video:

There's something intriguing and lovely about the distinction made between mothers and moms. But the distinction is not one to make mothers feel less important. Rather that the two units function best when unified together through the beautiful act of adoption. 

"A mom and a mother will find each other and join hands and be for the other what they can't be for themselves. Because even is she's not ready to be a mom, a mother can be strong and brave. She can turn 9 months into a lifetime and turn a couple into a family. Maybe that's easier said than done, but then, being a superhero always is..."

Susan said it best in her blog post today: "Too often in our culture we are anxious about birth mothers, fall into assumptions, and fear the worst about a birth family. But these beautiful stories of sacrifice, bravery, and selfless love need to be shared and celebrated." 

Although the intimate details of my relationship with our birth mama are not always something that I am willing to share out of respect for her story, I can tell you that I truly do see this woman as strong and brave and loving. I am so grateful to have her in my life and I'm amazed at how God has touched my life with hers. A superhero doesn't have to be perfect to be a hero. And she is definitely one of mine. 

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