And yesterday my heart felt so attacked, as if the enemy himself knew exactly where my heart was headed and he needed to do everything he could to make me want to question God's plan and timing for me.
This morning, when I woke up, I knew that if I was going to start asking God to direct these right now moments for me, that I needed to take some time to start my day with Him. So that's just what I did.
And boy did He respond this morning...in the most perfect way. The devotional I started working through this week is about abiding in God's presence and remaining in Him so that He might be glorified through us. The devotional starts by asking you to focus on the 'fruits' as well as the wounds or areas of your life that still need recovery from the previous season. As I started to write, I saw how desperately I was holding on to far too many things that were only continuing to hurt me and rip my heart a part. As I asked God to speak to me in those lingering pains, I feel like He just kept whispering to my heart, "Remain in me...and I in you."
I ended my time feeling prompted to crack open my Jesus Calling daily devotional...The words could not have been any more perfect. You see, yesterday, even through I knew that I needed to let the Lord direct my heart right now rather than dwelling on future plans, I still gravitated towards wanting to plan every single detail that I could for our adoption (i.e. housing, back-up housing, flights, rental cars, etc). The only problem is there are literally no specifics at this point...at all. So instead I explored every possibility and scenario and planned (as best I could) for each of them. And I didn't get anywhere with it. I ended the day feeling as though the situation and the unknown were impossible. So, this morning, as I am praying for the Lord to reveal to me what it is that I need to let go of in order to let Him abide in me, He just sent a not-so-subtle message to me through my Jesus Calling devotional:
"Rest in Me, My Child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion, who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. How foolish are you, My child!...Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day."
Mmmm...that hits home, right? What a perfect, personal reminder for me of what abiding in the Lord actually looks like in my exact circumstance.
I'm so grateful for a God that hears us and directs us and responds to us in such subtle ways. Aren't you?