Monday, August 25, 2014

Silence

Confession: I've been pretty quiet on the blog lately.

This is in part because mommy life is busy. Contrary to the common misconception that stay-at-home moms do nothing all day, I will say that I feel busy all day long. Like I've accomplished a lot and yet accomplished nothing at the same time. By the time I get through all the bottles and diapers and dishes, I'm shocked to look up and see my husband already walking through the door from a day at work. Seriously people...days fly by.

But this isn't the primary reason for my silence.

Over the past couple months, as Jarrod and I traveled back and forth to Florida in anticipation of Madison's birth, so much has happened. So many people have supported us unconditionally without prying for details of why exactly we were so worn down from this journey. And although now is the not the time and, currently, this is not the place to share those details, I have found it incredibly difficult to reflect and continue to write posts on this space without sharing those intimate details that make up such a large part of our story this summer and our journey to bringing Madison home.

The truth is, that even now, I ask God why He chose us for this road. I wonder what made Him choose us to endure what we did. I trust that He has a plan. Sometimes I just want to know why.

God is so good. I don't doubt that.

My faith is not wavering in Him or His plan for our family. He obviously knew the perfect plan to bring us face-to-face with our precious baby girl.

But it's been easy to resent some of the emotions we had to experience to get here. I've been needing to pray for the God to break my hearts some and that He would allow me to experience more compassion for what we've been through... More forgiveness... More grace.

Some day I hope to be able to share the details of what God has done and the miracles that He has worked so visibly in this process over the past couple of months. I hope that someday your jaw will drop in amazement at how good our God is in all circumstances. I hope that I can share in that moment with you, as we both cry tears of heartbreak and, yet, tears of joy too.

But in the meantime, I have to recognize one thing - we were never alone in this. God knew from the very beginning what the details of our journey would look like. He knew what He would bring us to and what He would bring us through.

Yesterday, during church, my heart broke during a worship song. Today, I want to break my streak of silence and share this song with you. I pray that you can take a step back from whatever situation you might find yourself in today and recognize how God leads us through all circumstances when we seek Him first.


Friday, August 15, 2014

One Month

It's hard to believe that little Madi is already one month old!! I can't believe it!

Yesterday I took some time to dress her up and take some pictures to commemorate her growth spurt this last month! (Let's all just be sentimental for a moment, like I am, and drool over how cute she is please...)






And because I always promised to be totally honest on this blog, here's a picture of how you keep a one month old happy during these photo sessions!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

A Prevailing Plan

Last week on Wednesday, I was landing in Madison, Wisconson with baby Madison strapped to my chest. After three weeks in Florida waiting for our adoption's interstate paperwork to clear (it felt like an eternity), Madi and I were finally arriving back in the Midwest.


I booked it off the flight and sprinted to the arrivals gate where my sweet husband was anxiously awaiting us. Tears....immediately...before I even saw him. After a year of ups and downs and several months of some of the most draining emotions I'd ever felt, the moment that we had anticipated with Madi had arrived - we were home.


The waiting was over.

A baby was in our arms. 

No more flights.

No more hotels.

No more hospitals.

Just home...as a family.


To say that this summer has been difficult might be the understatement of the century. We've encountered things emotionally that I never even fathomed. We've laughed...and cried (if I'm being honest) at irony. We've questioned God's plan for our family. Yet when I look in the eyes of our child there's no doubt that God knew all along what this journey would look like and that He would faithfully continue to provide the means for us to get through it. It wasn't without struggle...but we also weren't alone.

When we pulled onto our street back in town, a small group of friends and family surprised us outside our house with music, signs and balloons welcoming Madi home for good!


Now, over the past week, we've been settling in to life with a 4 week old (yes, she turned four weeks old yesterday - crazy right?). There have been so many moments when I look at that growing face, cute little double-chin and all, and am in disbelief that God has blessed us with her. She's really ours. While I was down in Florida waiting for the paperwork to clear, I really felt like I was just babysitting someone else's baby.. But now, as she spends time in her nursery and has transitioned fully into our lives, it's hitting me that she's really ours.


I've already learned so much in my few weeks as a parent (blog post on that coming soon). But, most importantly, over the past year, as we faithfully walked through this season that God had called us to, we have, without a doubt, seen God shine through in the darkest moments. We've seen His hand and His plan prevail above all else. We've seen Him use a dark situation to bring glory to His name. We've seen changed hearts and prayers fulfilled. We  really have seen God "crown this year with His goodness" - from the mountains of paperwork, to our 'babymoon' where we were matched with Madison's birth family, to wading through the fear of adoption, to traveling down to Florida three times for 'false alarms', to finally announcing our daughter's addition to our family - God's goodness has shown through it all. 


This wait was hard.... But, hear me loud and clear, God is good. 

Thank you for your prayers. Stay tuned for continued updates on life at home, how we've started to manage an open adoption now that we're home, and more adoption 'lessons' learned.