Sometimes answering God's call on your life means saying yes to a messy life... Actually, more often than not, a messy life (at least in my experience) is a sign that God is leading you one way or another.
I have found that the more I strive for obedience to Christ in my life, the more 'mess' that's created to wade through.
Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily.
Is it uncomfortable? Absolutely.
Adopting Madison has, by far, been one of the most beautiful life experiences that I will ever have the honor of finding myself in. She brings such an extreme amount of joy in our lives and, every night when we cuddle her before bedtime, I look at her sweet face and am in shock that she is ours.
But beautiful life moments also come with an extreme amount of messiness. They bring out disorder that needs to be figured out. They bring about the need to find a new normal...
Adoption is a beautiful mess.
There...I said it. Adoption is crazy messy. Much more so than I ever envisioned it being when I signed on to this.
If I'm being totally honest, I can tell you that in the storms that we've experienced while waiting to bring Madi home, I looked at my husband and said, "Why did we do this? I don't want to do this anymore."
But I think that that's a normal reaction in life sometimes.
Sometimes God calls us to something. We say yes. And then we discover what's really involved. And we decide that maybe it wasn't what we initially thought it was and it's harder than we ever thought it would be...and we just don't want to do it anymore. Essentially we find ourselves in the middle of chaos and mess that's dirtier than it initially let on.
Do you get what I'm trying to say here? Beautiful things are often the messy things of life.
The messy things of life are often the moments that bring about our need to work through heart issues so that we can experience the beauty that was originally intended for that moment.
But...you have to be willing to experience the mess...the pain, the heartbreak, the anger, the discomfort (this list could go on)...in order to experience the beauty that lies at the bottom. And sometimes it takes a while to work through those things. Sometimes there's moments where the beauty is noticeable and sometimes all you can see is the mess.
Lately I've had to look at the current mess in our lives...the effects of an adoption that was much, much more pricey than expected, the weight of an open adoption, the balance of life as a mom and life as an employee, and on and on...and realize that if my life is messy, then there's evidence that God is creating something beautiful.
BUT I have to be willing to look for the beauty.
I'm not always there. Somedays I think looking for beauty is a complete waste of time. I'd rather just be mad at the mess. Others, I can't stop crying because the beauty is in plain view. And then other days I have to make a conscious choice which one I'd rather see.
Bottom line: Life is messy. Adoption is messy. God creates beauty. Today I'm going to choose to see the beauty.